I've been wearing this new outfit called "Quit while you're ahead"

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 01:46:14 GMT

Booo. Why can't I ever write about good things? This whole year has been one big mess. This whole school year has been one big mess. I know what I'm doing to myself but I dont know how to change it. Whatever.

This peice is new. Not finished. An ode to summer.
Please, don't judge me for where i've been.

Knitting spaces

Most nights I could still feel you
Hiding in the cracks of my skin and
Caressing the open spaces between my bone tips..
You were always there
Lulling me to sleep from the insides of my rib cage,
& Cradling gently me like a noose..
I could feel you in my marrow
Aching like wounds or lost limbs I still feel in absence
You - Covered my skin in loose kisses
& Through them I could hear you
Wispering things i cant quite make out
but somehow think i know as fact like
you are alone.
And you'll always need me and
I know what you look like from the inside.
These lines always get me,
And you've always gotten me,
And this is my problem.
You pin me knee deap like prayer
Got me - Rooted in your soil
Wishing to be filled like dry rivers
Or ex mothers
Teasing me with your
Warm blanket wispers licking at my sides
And you - reel me in slow and soft
till i'm back to
knit - pulling your wellwishes through the maps of my veins
Feigning comprehension
& Wondering where these needle point constalations are going to end
I - Hang turnicates like ribbon trophies and sleep too often now.
& When you're not around, I ache to the centers of my bones and -
Stare upwards writing novels on my ceiling detailing the reasons
id left you for dead the first time.
& when you are around my words fail me at all the worst times
and my words are all I have now days, see - you wipe me empty
My skin tastes like winter..
And I've got the insides to match - now days.
& I dont even remember the last time i picked up a pen or
Spoke with my sister or
hated my mother long enough for it to matter anymore
And these things used to be important to me.
I'm sleeping in the bed of someone i stopped loving MONTHS ago
Just to feel like im not alone in this
Did you know?
That 80% of heroin addicts shoot up with somebody
But over 80% of overdose victims are found alone.
They tell me this - is MY truth.
& they're right.
So I trade your home for my ink well,
and I write.
And hope to heal
And I say fuck you to anyone who says poetry cant save somebody.
See, this is all I can do
Your - Secrets imbed so deap my mouth loses diction and
My eyes stay quiet.
I cover your pin pricks
And pray to sleep
But in those quiet hours..
I can still feel you.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 07:29:35 GMT

I have that slow kind of shrinking feeling.
Almost like my bones are shivering quietly down to nothing.

Hey, don't get me wrong though.
I'm sure most of you know I'm a pretty optimistic person.
We all have our weeks.
Its mostly just the high dissapating from my limbs thats left me in such a leveled state.

I've realized that for every good memory or experiance i've ever had theres been an undeniable undertone of disaster or sorrow that has come with it. Some more overwhelming that others. And this is what life is. A never ending cycle of crap building apon crap, we're all just running as fast as we can to keep up with the little good we just maybe might catch. Running as fast as we can before we get smothered.

I think its worth it though.
I think thats why I'm here.

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 08:35:19 GMT

39 Questions to End the Summer:

1.Describe this summer in one sentence:
"Them are some biiiiig ass doors."

2.Did your relationship status change since school got out?
It did, but I guess things are back to normal now, haha.

3. What was your favorite summer trip this year?
I had so many trips planned, but went on none, haha. Mukilteo, newcastle, and kent are probably the farthest away from seattle ive gone all summer.

4. What was your second home this summer?
'Realta's', hahaha.

5. How did you spend your last summer weekend?
Bumbershoot as always.

6. Who was always on your mind?
Tim, for a good part of it.

7. Funniest movie you saw?
I didnt see too many movies. Little miss sunshine was pretty funny though.

8. Biggest accomplishment this summer?
It all went downhill.

9. List the top three things you did.
1. Hella midnight adventures
2. Saw my mommy :)
3. Hempfesssst!

10. Who did you hang out with the most?
Nooo idea.

11. Who did you miss the most?
Katie and Terencee.

12. What did you do during summer 5 years ago?
Played with my stepsister a lot most likely.

13. How many beds did you sleep in this summer?
One million! Hahaha, actually most of them were couches or floors, even some cars.

14. What is the worst thing you ate?
I think I got really high and had a bite of chris's hamburger one day.

15.Who did you talk to almost everyday?
For a while it was tim and katie.

16. Did you save a life?
Hahaha, a safe life?

17. Did you lose anyone?
Death wise, not over the summer, no. Maybe a friend or two.

18. Favorite summer show?
Gilmore girls, HAHA. Imbarassing.

19. What are you going to miss the most now that summer is over?
Laid back sunny days, Not having serious obligations, waking up at 2pm, wake & bakes.

20. Who are you going to miss most now that it is over?
Oh, you know.

21. Who are the last five people that commented on your MS?

haha, uhmm.. Katie, leah, paul, ben, and katie kim.

22. [ONE] Did you just meet this summer?
Nope, I met her durring the school year.

23. [TWO] What did you do with him/her?
Randomly one night at like 2 am I walked past her appartment with brock and zak, and two of her friends yelled out the window at us. We ended up talking with them and getting invited in for wine.

24. [THREE] Did you fight with him/her?
Only play fights.

25. [FOUR] Did you hang out a lot this summer?
Yeah, we hung out a lot durring the end of summer. I stayed with him like two nights ago.

26. [FIVE] What did he/she give you this summer?
Kisses! And supposidly she bought me a pair of chanell earings in newyork, but has yet to give them to me, haha.

27. What are you looking forward to this week?
Noooot too much. Hanging out with ben tomorrow maybe?

38. What is one goal you want to accomplish this year?
Getting my drivers licence, Finding a job, and doing well at central. Hahahaha, I'm so boring sounding.

39. Who is the first person on your top eight && what is your favorite memory with him/her?
Rafa, my best friend :] My favorite memory over the summer with him is probably robotripping in josiahs basement in the huge fort we made out of sheets. Well, untill josiah puked on us.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 07:36:58 GMT

Just kidding

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 23:49:53 GMT

I hate fun.

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 07:02:48 GMT

Friends only.
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& Please,
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Add me first.